I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
