We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
