He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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