i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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