from now on my penis is your penis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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