Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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