pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
