At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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