Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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