he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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