White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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