I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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