How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
