O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
