The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
