I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
