If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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