....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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