That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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