So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
