It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
