New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
