If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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