Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
