If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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