I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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