I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
