Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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