May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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