I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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