TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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