I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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