literally had 100 drinks last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
