Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
