Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
