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and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.