I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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