I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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