very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
