HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
