im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
