The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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