so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
