i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you win again, gameday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
