You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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