how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
