the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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