i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
