Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
