thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
