Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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