I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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