Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ttyl tear gas
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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