I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize