You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
