did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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