hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
