I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
