I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
