Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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