I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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