She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
