porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
