if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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