please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need to align my fucking chakras
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
