Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
